That is what my husband is. Here we are with kids who have grown very independent - they can dress themselves, feed themselves, go potty all by themselves, do chores, clean up after themselves, help around the house with many jobs, even make some meals all by themselves. They can read and write. They can add and subtract. OK, these are all wonderful things!! Anyone with little kids can tell you that. Shoot, I can sleep in on weekends without a thought about it. They get up, feed themselves breakfast, play, and make sure it's quiet enough that I can sleep. Yep, that's more than wonderful.
That's all about to change. We are about to introduce some young 'uns into our lives again. My husband thorougly enjoys the above-mentioned benefits of having older kids. Who wouldn't? But my man - he is willing to go back to diapers (maybe), diaper bags?, bottles?, car seats, sleepless nights, loss of freedom, loss of free time, loss of ability to watch sports games uninterrupted on Sunday afternoons, having an exhausted wife, dealing with toddler tantrums, getting up with littles on Saturday morning so his wife can sleep in, etc. Not only is he willing, he wants to do this! Badly. He can't wait to get these kids home.
I know the list above seems superficial in light of the lives of children in desperate need of a home and a family who will love them unconditionally and take care of them forever. And, in reality, they are superficial and selfish concerns. Nonetheless, they are things that we have thought through and talked about, and, speaking personally and honestly here, even shed some tears over.
My husband is a rare find in today's world. He is able to look outside of himself and see the needs of others. He is willing to make sacrifices to serve and to love. He is willing to have his life turned upside down by obeying the call that God put on his life. I am honored to be his help-mate.
And that's what I've been ruminating about this New Year's Eve. It's going to be a good year.
"For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it. For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself?" Luke 9:24-25
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
More Than We Ask or Imagine
God is good. God is the giver of all good gifts. I'm not talking about Christmas gifts - although those are definitely good! I'm talking about the gifts that He is showering abundantly upon me of late. Gifts that have come by way of this process called adoption and all that it entails. Daily, I realize anew that I have so much to learn and so far to go. Daily, God shows me that He has just begun to reveal His plan to us. There is so much to know, so much to learn, so much to experience, so much to rejoice in, so much to cry for, so much to feel. I have this feeling deep within that this is just the beginning.
One gift that I am so very thankful for right now is friends that have already gone through this process ahead of us. They have helped to pave the way so that it is so much smoother and straighter than it would have been had we been the first to step foot on the path. I have friends who have adopted domestically and internationally. I have friends who have adopted years ago so that I can see their successes and I have friends who have adopted very recently who can give me up-to-date information on the current way that things work. I even have a friend who just brought home twin girls from Ethiopia this past summer (who are completely adorable, by the way!) You can see them at http://tisha-myrestingplace.blogspot.com/ .
The financial issue of adoption is one that is probably the most limiting and the most hard to work past in some ways. I admit that I have struggled quite a bit over this obstacle. A friend wrote me an e-mail last week detailing her recent international adoption of a little girl with medical needs. There was NO WAY that they could afford this adoption. But God could. And God did! She couldn't know how much I needed to read her story that very day. She couldn't have known how much it meant to me and renewed my spirit. That very morning I had commited to God all of my worries and concerns and her e-mail was just the touch of the Spirit on my life right then.
I have been encouraged by other people's stories that I have read on adoption blogs. One story has especially inspired me. This mother's post about God's financial provision for adoptions can be found here: http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/2009/01/middle-of-night-thoughts.html . If you have time, you should read some of the stories of their adoptions found in the sidebar. Truly miraculous!
Today, we received a very sacrificial gift. One that was entirely unexpected. We were given an envelope from a family at church. We assumed it was a Christmas card. At home, we opened it and found a letter inside which told us that they were committing to supporting us financially with a gift every two weeks throughout our adoption process. We know this is a sacrifice for this family. One that they really can't afford right now. They heard God's voice leading them and they obeyed that voice. Overwhelmed just doesn't even begin to describe our feelings about this gift. I honestly cannot even explain how touched we are - it is beyond our words.
I am a planner by nature. I like all my ducks in a row. I have tried and tried to plan how we are going to pay for this adoption. But God made it very clear to me last week that I need to quit trying to figure out how to make this happen in my own strength and allow Him to do this how HE wants to do it. He has a much better way than I could ever come up with! Praise the name of the Lord! He has shown Himself to us in a powerful way today. May all glory be given to HIS name!
Now to HIM who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to HIM be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20)
One gift that I am so very thankful for right now is friends that have already gone through this process ahead of us. They have helped to pave the way so that it is so much smoother and straighter than it would have been had we been the first to step foot on the path. I have friends who have adopted domestically and internationally. I have friends who have adopted years ago so that I can see their successes and I have friends who have adopted very recently who can give me up-to-date information on the current way that things work. I even have a friend who just brought home twin girls from Ethiopia this past summer (who are completely adorable, by the way!) You can see them at http://tisha-myrestingplace.blogspot.com/ .
The financial issue of adoption is one that is probably the most limiting and the most hard to work past in some ways. I admit that I have struggled quite a bit over this obstacle. A friend wrote me an e-mail last week detailing her recent international adoption of a little girl with medical needs. There was NO WAY that they could afford this adoption. But God could. And God did! She couldn't know how much I needed to read her story that very day. She couldn't have known how much it meant to me and renewed my spirit. That very morning I had commited to God all of my worries and concerns and her e-mail was just the touch of the Spirit on my life right then.
I have been encouraged by other people's stories that I have read on adoption blogs. One story has especially inspired me. This mother's post about God's financial provision for adoptions can be found here: http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/2009/01/middle-of-night-thoughts.html . If you have time, you should read some of the stories of their adoptions found in the sidebar. Truly miraculous!
Today, we received a very sacrificial gift. One that was entirely unexpected. We were given an envelope from a family at church. We assumed it was a Christmas card. At home, we opened it and found a letter inside which told us that they were committing to supporting us financially with a gift every two weeks throughout our adoption process. We know this is a sacrifice for this family. One that they really can't afford right now. They heard God's voice leading them and they obeyed that voice. Overwhelmed just doesn't even begin to describe our feelings about this gift. I honestly cannot even explain how touched we are - it is beyond our words.
I am a planner by nature. I like all my ducks in a row. I have tried and tried to plan how we are going to pay for this adoption. But God made it very clear to me last week that I need to quit trying to figure out how to make this happen in my own strength and allow Him to do this how HE wants to do it. He has a much better way than I could ever come up with! Praise the name of the Lord! He has shown Himself to us in a powerful way today. May all glory be given to HIS name!
Now to HIM who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to HIM be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20)
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
One Degree at a Time - Part I
(Tom here)
I don't completely remember when Tif told me about her desire to adopt. It was obviously several years ago, but I don't have a date or a time period etched in my mind as much as she does. We had spoken several times about how she felt that God was calling her to do something more and how she didn't want to "waste her life." I recall how I felt frustrated and a little scared. Reading through Piper's Don't Waste Your Life was actually terrifying. Was God calling her to do something that I wasn't being called to do as well?
What I do remember are my objections to adopting: we couldn't afford it; we had a happy family at that moment the way it was; we must be being called to support orphans in a different way (translation: let's just give some money to an orphanage); we were busy enough with homeschooling; we would just have to come to grips with being only a 3-kid family, how would we have the time and energy to raise more kids?
I could probably keep going with that list. As I look at those things now, I realize why it took so long for me to change. God had some work to do, but He did it slowly.
Earlier this year, I picked up a book by Bob Schultz called Boyhood and Beyond. I came across it while looking for something to read with our 9-year-old son. I started to read through it first myself, and I began to understand that this was a book for me as well as him. One of the chapters pointed out that on a compass or a thermometer, change happens just one degree at a time. You can't skip a degree in change. He continues:
I didn't know it at the time (and I hardly know it now), but He was changing me. He was preparing me for something unexpected.
Luke 16:10 "He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much."
I don't completely remember when Tif told me about her desire to adopt. It was obviously several years ago, but I don't have a date or a time period etched in my mind as much as she does. We had spoken several times about how she felt that God was calling her to do something more and how she didn't want to "waste her life." I recall how I felt frustrated and a little scared. Reading through Piper's Don't Waste Your Life was actually terrifying. Was God calling her to do something that I wasn't being called to do as well?
What I do remember are my objections to adopting: we couldn't afford it; we had a happy family at that moment the way it was; we must be being called to support orphans in a different way (translation: let's just give some money to an orphanage); we were busy enough with homeschooling; we would just have to come to grips with being only a 3-kid family, how would we have the time and energy to raise more kids?
I could probably keep going with that list. As I look at those things now, I realize why it took so long for me to change. God had some work to do, but He did it slowly.
Earlier this year, I picked up a book by Bob Schultz called Boyhood and Beyond. I came across it while looking for something to read with our 9-year-old son. I started to read through it first myself, and I began to understand that this was a book for me as well as him. One of the chapters pointed out that on a compass or a thermometer, change happens just one degree at a time. You can't skip a degree in change. He continues:
Changing into a man is a continual process. It is learning one line after another, one precept after the next, here a little, there a little. Many boys wait for the big jump in growth. It never comes. A man that is faithful in big things was faithful for years in little things...All good skills and qualites come little by little, one degree at a time...Beware--the opposite is also true. All bad qualities develop one degree after another. The slothful man becomes lazy one soft choice after another.These words struck me. Was I slowly growing towards the Lord or away from Him? Were the choices I was making leading me towards being faithful and dilligent or to being a slothful man? I started to consider more the small choices I was making. I started to see how one small choice would turn me away from Him, and I didn't even want to start going in the wrong direction (Oh, how I wish all my kids would understand these things now and not have to wait 40 years like their father!).
I didn't know it at the time (and I hardly know it now), but He was changing me. He was preparing me for something unexpected.
Luke 16:10 "He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much."
Making a List and Checkin' it Way More Than Twice
If you know me, you know that I am a list maker. And I really love checking those things off my list. I am one of those people who write something on their list that they've already accomplished just for the sheer joy of checking it off!
Well, if you're a list checker, then the adoption process is for you! I think I went over the list of documents that went with our contract package and checked our signature and the notary's signature 10 times before I sealed up the envelope. And then I could barely part with it without tearing it open to check one last time before Tom took it out of my hands to mail it.
Today, we celebrate checking off another big milestone on our ever-so-long to-do list. We (I hope sucessfully) completed our home visit!
One thing I learned today - I have definitely mellowed since my kids were little. Hopefully, that is going to be one of the great things about adopting little ones again. I hope to be much more joyful and less worried about the small stuff. However, I do like things neat and orderly and everything in its place. So, myhousekeeper three kids and I cleaned the house very well yesterday. Everything was in its place. Everything was nice and neat. But, my youngest daughter had a sleepover - and generally sleepovers create somewhat of a mess. (The sleepover was planned before the home visit was scheduled). They made a really neat magic show together last night and it required a lot of stuff. The stuff needed to stay out in order to perform the magic show for our friend and her mom and her sisters who came over this morning to pick them up. Then the magic show needed performed. The performance was happening less than an hour before our scheduled appointment. The old me would have been freaking out and worrying about the mess getting cleaned up. The more restful me realized that we are just a family doing family fun stuff and messes happen. And, guess what? The social worker barely even glanced in the rooms that I had cleaned so thoroughly. Oh, and then the kids reminded me that they should probably eat something before she arrived. Hadn't even thought of lunch. Great - a mom who doesn't remember to feed her kids!
I guess Tom is pretty mellow now as well. He arrived from work at 11:55 for the noon appointment. He said he was hungry, but just went upstairs to do some work on his laptop. At 12:15, the social worker still hadn't arrived. Tom came downstairs and started to make himself a sandwich! Like we weren't just expecting the biggest interview of our lives! She knocked on the door just then, and, yes, Tom did proceed to eat his sandwich after she arrived. Actually, it felt really good to be so relaxed. We just feel God's hand on this whole process and are not worried.
I think we passed the home visit. Although Tom did share with her while being questioned on his past educational and work history that the reason he didn't follow through with an elementary teaching career is that he "lost his patience with kids" during student teaching. Awkward silence. OK, on with the interview...
Really, the whole thing was stress-free and no big deal. I mean she didn't even glance in our laundry room which we got all configured just so to pass any safety test. Oh, well, I got a clean house for Christmas out of the deal.
Tonight, my heart is overflowing with joy and thanksgiving. Our God is so good. My family is healthy and happy. Our needs are met. We have an eternal hope that nothing on this earth can ever take away. Tomorrow morning, we give gifts to our kids and tomorrow evening we attend Christmas Eve service and celebrate with my family. On Christmas morning, we celebrate with Tom's family. I must confess that I continually picture our two new children with us for all of these celebrations next year.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name!
Well, if you're a list checker, then the adoption process is for you! I think I went over the list of documents that went with our contract package and checked our signature and the notary's signature 10 times before I sealed up the envelope. And then I could barely part with it without tearing it open to check one last time before Tom took it out of my hands to mail it.
Today, we celebrate checking off another big milestone on our ever-so-long to-do list. We (I hope sucessfully) completed our home visit!
One thing I learned today - I have definitely mellowed since my kids were little. Hopefully, that is going to be one of the great things about adopting little ones again. I hope to be much more joyful and less worried about the small stuff. However, I do like things neat and orderly and everything in its place. So, my
I guess Tom is pretty mellow now as well. He arrived from work at 11:55 for the noon appointment. He said he was hungry, but just went upstairs to do some work on his laptop. At 12:15, the social worker still hadn't arrived. Tom came downstairs and started to make himself a sandwich! Like we weren't just expecting the biggest interview of our lives! She knocked on the door just then, and, yes, Tom did proceed to eat his sandwich after she arrived. Actually, it felt really good to be so relaxed. We just feel God's hand on this whole process and are not worried.
I think we passed the home visit. Although Tom did share with her while being questioned on his past educational and work history that the reason he didn't follow through with an elementary teaching career is that he "lost his patience with kids" during student teaching. Awkward silence. OK, on with the interview...
Really, the whole thing was stress-free and no big deal. I mean she didn't even glance in our laundry room which we got all configured just so to pass any safety test. Oh, well, I got a clean house for Christmas out of the deal.
Tonight, my heart is overflowing with joy and thanksgiving. Our God is so good. My family is healthy and happy. Our needs are met. We have an eternal hope that nothing on this earth can ever take away. Tomorrow morning, we give gifts to our kids and tomorrow evening we attend Christmas Eve service and celebrate with my family. On Christmas morning, we celebrate with Tom's family. I must confess that I continually picture our two new children with us for all of these celebrations next year.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Good Things Come in Fives!
Five good things happened today.
1. Tom mailed off the contracts to AGCI this morning along with our first payment due. This means that once they are reviewed by the agency, they will send us our dossier packet and we can get to work on that!
2. I scheduled our home visit with our home study agency. The social worker will be coming to our home this Wednesday. Can you guess what I'll be doing all day tomorrow? Pray for us on Wednesday! "Uh-huh, our home really does look like this all the time," I'll say with a smile. "Would you like to see our fire extinguisher?"
3. My Texas birth certificates arrived via UPS. I thought they would take much longer to get here. Yay!
4. When I talked to AGCI today on the phone about the payment we were sending in, I was informed that a 3% add-on fee that normally applies had just been waived. The agency had received some type of blessing and they wanted to pass it on to their families. God is SO good!
5. A good friend whom I have not talked to in several years called me unexpectedly this afternoon. She has adopted two children from China, the most recent being a 7 year old girl with health issues. Her story inspired and encouraged me. I'm so thankful for dear and faithful friendships that last through the years.
Well, I guess you could six good things - the Christmas wrapping was all wrapped up this evening! I am a terrible, terrible wrapper and I LOVE to get that task accomplished.
I have so much to be thankful for this Christmas. I am hoping next Christmas there will be two more little ones celebrating Christ's birth with us.
Our agency just put out a new video that is very touching. You can see it here:
1. Tom mailed off the contracts to AGCI this morning along with our first payment due. This means that once they are reviewed by the agency, they will send us our dossier packet and we can get to work on that!
2. I scheduled our home visit with our home study agency. The social worker will be coming to our home this Wednesday. Can you guess what I'll be doing all day tomorrow? Pray for us on Wednesday! "Uh-huh, our home really does look like this all the time," I'll say with a smile. "Would you like to see our fire extinguisher?"
3. My Texas birth certificates arrived via UPS. I thought they would take much longer to get here. Yay!
4. When I talked to AGCI today on the phone about the payment we were sending in, I was informed that a 3% add-on fee that normally applies had just been waived. The agency had received some type of blessing and they wanted to pass it on to their families. God is SO good!
5. A good friend whom I have not talked to in several years called me unexpectedly this afternoon. She has adopted two children from China, the most recent being a 7 year old girl with health issues. Her story inspired and encouraged me. I'm so thankful for dear and faithful friendships that last through the years.
Well, I guess you could six good things - the Christmas wrapping was all wrapped up this evening! I am a terrible, terrible wrapper and I LOVE to get that task accomplished.
I have so much to be thankful for this Christmas. I am hoping next Christmas there will be two more little ones celebrating Christ's birth with us.
Our agency just put out a new video that is very touching. You can see it here:
Friday, December 18, 2009
An Invitation
A friend wrote to me today and said that she already felt love in her heart for our children and couldn't wait to meet them. She is praying for them already. Several people have shared that sentiment with me. It warms my heart so much to hear this. When we first made this decision, I envisioned all of these people that are a part of our lives - family and dear friends, maybe people we haven't even met - coming alongside us, praying for us, holding up our arms (see the story of Moses in Ex. 17:8-15), and praying for these children. It made such a beautiful picture in my mind. Everyone who prays for them and for us will have a part of their story. Each person will be a part of their homecoming. These orphans who would be going from abandonment, grief, heartache, and loss will be coming into this huge web of love and they will be caught. They will be safe. They will be treasured. They will know that they matter. Their lives have infinite value. I tear up just thinking of it.
And, so, we invite you to join us. To be a part of our story. We can't wait for our children to know of all the people who cared for them, who loved them before they even knew them. This is the way of God. He IS love. He created it. He defined it. He lived it. We are so privileged to be loved by Him. We are so privileged to share His love with others.
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for caring. Thank you for loving us. (Yes, I'm feeling very sentimental these days...)
And, so, we invite you to join us. To be a part of our story. We can't wait for our children to know of all the people who cared for them, who loved them before they even knew them. This is the way of God. He IS love. He created it. He defined it. He lived it. We are so privileged to be loved by Him. We are so privileged to share His love with others.
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for caring. Thank you for loving us. (Yes, I'm feeling very sentimental these days...)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Why Ethiopia? Why Siblings?
This seems to be a common question when people hear that we are adopting. So, why Ethiopia? For several reasons really. When I first started looking into adoption several years ago, I kept coming across Ethiopia in my research. I would spend a lot of time just looking at the pictures of the waiting children. There was just something about their faces. As I learned more about Ethiopia, I found that the people there are quite unique. They have a zest for life, a joyful spirit, a thankful attitude - even amidst great poverty and incredible disease. The Ethiopian people love and cherish and value their children. It is only due to extreme hardship that parents are having to give their children up. To give them a chance. A chance to eat. A chance to be healthy. A chance to thrive. A chance to keep on living. A chance to continue their family line. I cannot imagine, cannot even begin to imagine, what those parents go through. There was just something about their lives, their spirits, their tragedy, that I could not ignore. I knew that God wanted us to be a part of this story.
When Tom decided that it was time to adopt - yes, I know you're still waiting for the rest of the story and I hope it won't be too long until he writes it - he was completely in agreement on Ethiopia. I still thought that I should look into some other countries or domestic before we went ahead. I did that. But, both of us never had peace about it until we settled on Ethiopia. We just knew it was right.
Why siblings? We just want to be able to keep siblings together. Sibling relationships are so important to us. There will be a gap in the ages between our biological children and our soon to be adopted children. We want our adopted children to have a sibling close in age to grow up with. And, very important to us, we want them to have someone in their own family who shares their culture and their heritage.
Tom didn't know that I've always had adopting siblings in my heart and prayers. I wasn't sure how he would receive this news. However, when I told him, "You know we have to adopt two, right?", he barely batted an eye. Have I mentioned yet how much I love this man?
In other news, we had our first interview with the home study agency this morning. It was a much more pleasant experience than I imagined. I left feeling encouraged and excited. I needed that! So far, they have not kicked us out of the program - so that's a good thing. We are hoping to send in the contracts to our agency next week and then get to work on our dossier!
When Tom decided that it was time to adopt - yes, I know you're still waiting for the rest of the story and I hope it won't be too long until he writes it - he was completely in agreement on Ethiopia. I still thought that I should look into some other countries or domestic before we went ahead. I did that. But, both of us never had peace about it until we settled on Ethiopia. We just knew it was right.
Why siblings? We just want to be able to keep siblings together. Sibling relationships are so important to us. There will be a gap in the ages between our biological children and our soon to be adopted children. We want our adopted children to have a sibling close in age to grow up with. And, very important to us, we want them to have someone in their own family who shares their culture and their heritage.
Tom didn't know that I've always had adopting siblings in my heart and prayers. I wasn't sure how he would receive this news. However, when I told him, "You know we have to adopt two, right?", he barely batted an eye. Have I mentioned yet how much I love this man?
In other news, we had our first interview with the home study agency this morning. It was a much more pleasant experience than I imagined. I left feeling encouraged and excited. I needed that! So far, they have not kicked us out of the program - so that's a good thing. We are hoping to send in the contracts to our agency next week and then get to work on our dossier!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Why Wouldn't I?
As I read back over my journal entries from the past several years, I came across one that was asking, "Why wouldn't I adopt? What reasons would I have?" Each one of the obstacles in my mind was a selfish one, except for the financial obstacle, which I believed God would take care of. I came to the conclusion that we could provide a home for a child who needed to be loved, accepted, and told that they are a precious creation of God. We could love another child like we love our biological children. So, why wouldn't we? I didn't have an answer at that time. It wasn't the right time for us to adopt yet. So, we determined instead to support an orphan in India. We knew that all Christians are called to take care of orphans and this was one easy way to do that.
However, I never felt that it was enough. I knew that was God calling me to more. I don't believe that all believers are called to adoption, but we are each called to care for the orphan in some way. We are also called to care for the widows and the poor.
I knew that God was asking for more from me. I've always felt that. I've always struggled so much over not wanting to choose the easy life, but being willing to step out in faith to do the things that I knew God was asking of me. Not because He wants to make my life hard, but because He wants to show Himself to me in new ways. He wants me to truly experience Him in ways that are impossible if I never step out in faith. I want this! I want to experience the power of God in my life. One of my biggest fears in life is that I will reach the end and look back and say, "Why didn't I obey when God spoke?" or "What if..." or "Yeah, I made it through life in the easiest way possible!" I believe at the end we will see things so much more clearly - have such a better perspective. I don't want to wait for the end of my life to have God's perspective.
I came across this video recently. I have posted the link below. It could have been written by us. Several times, Tom and I have looked around our dinner table or been on a family walk and felt that someone was missing. (Of course, Tom wasn't willing to admit that those were nudges from the Lord just yet.)
We have asked, "Why wouldn't we?" We can't come up with any good reasons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfJIgpPtbBc&feature=player_embedded
However, I never felt that it was enough. I knew that was God calling me to more. I don't believe that all believers are called to adoption, but we are each called to care for the orphan in some way. We are also called to care for the widows and the poor.
I knew that God was asking for more from me. I've always felt that. I've always struggled so much over not wanting to choose the easy life, but being willing to step out in faith to do the things that I knew God was asking of me. Not because He wants to make my life hard, but because He wants to show Himself to me in new ways. He wants me to truly experience Him in ways that are impossible if I never step out in faith. I want this! I want to experience the power of God in my life. One of my biggest fears in life is that I will reach the end and look back and say, "Why didn't I obey when God spoke?" or "What if..." or "Yeah, I made it through life in the easiest way possible!" I believe at the end we will see things so much more clearly - have such a better perspective. I don't want to wait for the end of my life to have God's perspective.
I came across this video recently. I have posted the link below. It could have been written by us. Several times, Tom and I have looked around our dinner table or been on a family walk and felt that someone was missing. (Of course, Tom wasn't willing to admit that those were nudges from the Lord just yet.)
We have asked, "Why wouldn't we?" We can't come up with any good reasons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfJIgpPtbBc&feature=player_embedded
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Husband's Intro
Tom the husband here (or dh, as I think we're known elsewhere). I'm not much of a blog writer myself, but I certainly feel that if my wife is willing to do this blog, then I should join her. This is because I am beginning to understand her need to share the thoughts of her heart regarding adoption with others. I also am beginning to understand that my side of the story is just as important.
Many of the adoption blogs that I've seen are written mostly by women. Of course, I don't have any scientific evidence or statistic to back that up, but I think it holds fairly true. Women have a huge heart for children--and I am so thankful for that! I believe God created them to be nurturing and loving and so it is no wonder that adoption is usually their idea first--and so the blogs are filled up by their voices.
With that said, I think the husband's side of the story needs to be told as well. I will do my best to fill those of you who are interested in on how God changed my heart. I do this to complete Tif's story, but also to hopefully give encouragement to others (which includes the fathers/husbands) who are wrestling with the same things that we are.
As Tif did, I will have to go back a ways...but just not back as far as she did. She can remember what she was thinking back in 2006, but I can't remember how old I was, much less be able to recall what I was thinking about adoption back then. OK, that's not entirely true, but I am not the journal writer that she is, so it will be a little more adventurous for me. But the beginning of my journey will have to wait for another post...
Many of the adoption blogs that I've seen are written mostly by women. Of course, I don't have any scientific evidence or statistic to back that up, but I think it holds fairly true. Women have a huge heart for children--and I am so thankful for that! I believe God created them to be nurturing and loving and so it is no wonder that adoption is usually their idea first--and so the blogs are filled up by their voices.
With that said, I think the husband's side of the story needs to be told as well. I will do my best to fill those of you who are interested in on how God changed my heart. I do this to complete Tif's story, but also to hopefully give encouragement to others (which includes the fathers/husbands) who are wrestling with the same things that we are.
As Tif did, I will have to go back a ways...but just not back as far as she did. She can remember what she was thinking back in 2006, but I can't remember how old I was, much less be able to recall what I was thinking about adoption back then. OK, that's not entirely true, but I am not the journal writer that she is, so it will be a little more adventurous for me. But the beginning of my journey will have to wait for another post...
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Can I get an Amen?
Tom and I are fairly conservative financially. We don't use credit. We don't live beyond our means. We really think through big purchases. We don't ever do things we can't afford. And here we are - already in the process of doing something really big - and it's something we can't afford.
Last night, I really questioned the Lord. Is it really OK to be doing this? Is it OK with You for us to take this on without being able to fully pay for it? It is hard for me to move past the emotions of that. I usually feel guilty or like I'm doing something wrong when I even consider wanting something that I know we can't afford. Lord, how do I know that this is from You? Even though He had been confirming it for the past three years in my heart, I still questioned. Not looking back, just wanting to be certain that GOD was directing this - not me. I mean - what we are taking on is BIG.
This morning, in the way that only the Lord does, He confirmed to me His blessing and His assurance that, YES, this was from Him, and YES, we are to proceed whether or not we can figure out how it's all going to happen.
I love the body of Christ! It is such a beautiful thing to be united with other believers no matter all of our differences. Tom shared our news with our church this morning. Everyone was so supportive and excited for us. I could literally feel their arms under us and holding us up.
Then a woman shared with us very personally from events in her own life. She gave us all the exhortation that when God is telling you to do something, even when it is beyond your own strength, you need to do it! He will provide and He will bless and show you things about Himself and allow you to experience Him in a whole new way.
We had a special speaker today, a pastor from an inner city church. His message was very convicting, very inspiring, very encouraging. My heart just welled up within as we heard stories of obedience and of God's mighty work in answer to prayer. He ended his message with James 1:27 - a verse that spoke to me so powerfully several years ago. "True religion is to visit the orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world." He exhorted us to care for the orphans and gave examples from families within his own church who have become foster parents or adoptive parents.
Today, God affirmed to me that YES He is calling us to this. YES, He will provide. YES, when we are weak He IS strong. YES, He who calls us is faithful and HE will do it. Can I get an amen?
Last night, I really questioned the Lord. Is it really OK to be doing this? Is it OK with You for us to take this on without being able to fully pay for it? It is hard for me to move past the emotions of that. I usually feel guilty or like I'm doing something wrong when I even consider wanting something that I know we can't afford. Lord, how do I know that this is from You? Even though He had been confirming it for the past three years in my heart, I still questioned. Not looking back, just wanting to be certain that GOD was directing this - not me. I mean - what we are taking on is BIG.
This morning, in the way that only the Lord does, He confirmed to me His blessing and His assurance that, YES, this was from Him, and YES, we are to proceed whether or not we can figure out how it's all going to happen.
I love the body of Christ! It is such a beautiful thing to be united with other believers no matter all of our differences. Tom shared our news with our church this morning. Everyone was so supportive and excited for us. I could literally feel their arms under us and holding us up.
Then a woman shared with us very personally from events in her own life. She gave us all the exhortation that when God is telling you to do something, even when it is beyond your own strength, you need to do it! He will provide and He will bless and show you things about Himself and allow you to experience Him in a whole new way.
We had a special speaker today, a pastor from an inner city church. His message was very convicting, very inspiring, very encouraging. My heart just welled up within as we heard stories of obedience and of God's mighty work in answer to prayer. He ended his message with James 1:27 - a verse that spoke to me so powerfully several years ago. "True religion is to visit the orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world." He exhorted us to care for the orphans and gave examples from families within his own church who have become foster parents or adoptive parents.
Today, God affirmed to me that YES He is calling us to this. YES, He will provide. YES, when we are weak He IS strong. YES, He who calls us is faithful and HE will do it. Can I get an amen?
The Long Wait
OK, I felt called to adoption. My husband did not. This presented a confusing dilemma for me. How could God be leading me clearly in a direction that my husband did not agree with. Did that mean that I misunderstood God? I didn't think so. For awhile, I drove myself crazy. I thought about it a lot. I prayed about it a lot. I spent time on the Internet researching (hard to imagine me doing that, huh?). I looked at pictures of orphans who needed a home.
I talked to Tom several times about what was going on in my heart. We share everything together and I didn't feel right not telling him what I was thinking. However, I finally reached the point where I knew I had to let go. IF God was really telling me this, then it was His responsibility to bring it to pass. It was not mine. God would have to change Tom's heart. He would have to do it in His time.
I wrote in my journal that the only way we could possibly go through with adoption now was if Tom came to me and told me that we HAD to do this. That was how I would know that it was the right time. I knew that there was no way I wanted to nag my husband into doing something. As if I could! This was way too big, way too life-changing a decision to enter into without knowing that Tom was 100% on board and it was not just my idea. So I surrendered. And I did so willingly. I had peace. I wrote in my journal that I knew we would adopt someday. I felt God had made that clear to me. But, I wrote, I had a feeling I might be 50 by then - and I really didn't want that. Go figure. But, I was willing if that was the way God had it planned.
So I waited.
"Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary."
Is. 40:31
I talked to Tom several times about what was going on in my heart. We share everything together and I didn't feel right not telling him what I was thinking. However, I finally reached the point where I knew I had to let go. IF God was really telling me this, then it was His responsibility to bring it to pass. It was not mine. God would have to change Tom's heart. He would have to do it in His time.
I wrote in my journal that the only way we could possibly go through with adoption now was if Tom came to me and told me that we HAD to do this. That was how I would know that it was the right time. I knew that there was no way I wanted to nag my husband into doing something. As if I could! This was way too big, way too life-changing a decision to enter into without knowing that Tom was 100% on board and it was not just my idea. So I surrendered. And I did so willingly. I had peace. I wrote in my journal that I knew we would adopt someday. I felt God had made that clear to me. But, I wrote, I had a feeling I might be 50 by then - and I really didn't want that. Go figure. But, I was willing if that was the way God had it planned.
So I waited.
"Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary."
Is. 40:31
Saturday, December 12, 2009
NO WAY, Lord!
In October of 2006, I wrote in my journal that adoption had been on my mind for a couple of years, but that I really did not want to think about it. Until now. It was at that point, that I could no longer ignore what God had been quietly whispering to me in so many ways.
I wrote that it reminded me of homeschooling. I never wanted to homeschool. I never understood why people would do that! In fact, I was really looking forward to the day all my kids were in school! But then, as the time drew very near for Riley to begin kindergarten and as Tom and I prayed, we knew that God was leading us to another path. We had already enrolled her and we were ready to go! But in a few short weeks, God turned my heart from NO WAY to YEP, THIS IS THE WAY GOD HAS CHOSEN FOR ME.
I was always very afraid of adoption. I did not want to do it. It seemed really scary and hard to me. I was completely busy enough with the three kids I had. I did not feel like I could love any other children in the same way as my biological children. I didn't want to start over. I didn't want to homeschool any more children. So, Lord, I know you aren't going to ask me to do this. Hmmm...Well, God had other plans. Once again, in a few short weeks, He turned my heart from NO WAY to YEP, THIS IS THE WAY GOD HAS CHOSEN FOR ME.
But, there was one problem - Tom was still in the NO WAY place. So, what did I do when I felt God was very strongly urging me in one direction and my husband said, "He's not showing that to me!"? Did you notice that this started for me in 2006 and it is now almost 2010? Yep, it's called WAIT.
I wrote that it reminded me of homeschooling. I never wanted to homeschool. I never understood why people would do that! In fact, I was really looking forward to the day all my kids were in school! But then, as the time drew very near for Riley to begin kindergarten and as Tom and I prayed, we knew that God was leading us to another path. We had already enrolled her and we were ready to go! But in a few short weeks, God turned my heart from NO WAY to YEP, THIS IS THE WAY GOD HAS CHOSEN FOR ME.
I was always very afraid of adoption. I did not want to do it. It seemed really scary and hard to me. I was completely busy enough with the three kids I had. I did not feel like I could love any other children in the same way as my biological children. I didn't want to start over. I didn't want to homeschool any more children. So, Lord, I know you aren't going to ask me to do this. Hmmm...Well, God had other plans. Once again, in a few short weeks, He turned my heart from NO WAY to YEP, THIS IS THE WAY GOD HAS CHOSEN FOR ME.
But, there was one problem - Tom was still in the NO WAY place. So, what did I do when I felt God was very strongly urging me in one direction and my husband said, "He's not showing that to me!"? Did you notice that this started for me in 2006 and it is now almost 2010? Yep, it's called WAIT.
The Season for Gifts
This Christmas as we think about gift giving and gift buying, my mind has been on an entirely different type of gifts. In the somewhat near future, Tom and I will be receiving two precious gifts from the Lord. In talking about what this adoption will mean to our family and what it will require of us, we acknowledged that what we will be given will far exceed the cost. God tells us that "children are a gift from the Lord...Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth (okay, maybe we're not quite as youthful as we once were, but I think it still applies), How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Ps. 127
Children these days are often considered an inconvenience, an annoyance, an irritation, a costly addition, or a pain in the neck. Quite the opposite says our Maker: Children are a GIFT. How blessed we are to have them!
Children these days are often considered an inconvenience, an annoyance, an irritation, a costly addition, or a pain in the neck. Quite the opposite says our Maker: Children are a GIFT. How blessed we are to have them!
No Looking Back
This is a blog. This is Tif writing on a blog. What has this world come to? A blog is something I never thought I'd be doing. Not because I don't like them. I read many people's blogs regularly. But writing is not my favorite thing to do and I usually don't make time to do things that aren't my favorite things to do. In addition, I'm a fairly private person. No Like Writing + Private Person Does Not Equal Blog.
But this is different. This blog exists because of one of my favorite things to do. See God at work!
God is at work in my life. He is at work in Tom's life. He is at work in my family's life. He is definitely at work in the world.
I will tell the story of how we got here (adopting siblings from Ethiopia) in following posts. But, for now, I want to just mention the title. After Tom and I decided to go ahead with adoption, I started to struggle with some fears and doubts. No surprise there considering the enemy's tactics. As I was having my time with the Lord in the morning, He led me to Luke 9:62 - "No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." This came after several people had said to Jesus, "I want to follow you, BUT..." I realized then and there that the moment I put my trust in Christ was when I put my hand to the plow. I cannot say to the Lord, "I want to follow you, BUT..." This applies to every single area of my life. So, my hand is to the plow and I'm not looking back...and I'm seeing a lot of joy in the harvest ahead.
But this is different. This blog exists because of one of my favorite things to do. See God at work!
God is at work in my life. He is at work in Tom's life. He is at work in my family's life. He is definitely at work in the world.
I will tell the story of how we got here (adopting siblings from Ethiopia) in following posts. But, for now, I want to just mention the title. After Tom and I decided to go ahead with adoption, I started to struggle with some fears and doubts. No surprise there considering the enemy's tactics. As I was having my time with the Lord in the morning, He led me to Luke 9:62 - "No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." This came after several people had said to Jesus, "I want to follow you, BUT..." I realized then and there that the moment I put my trust in Christ was when I put my hand to the plow. I cannot say to the Lord, "I want to follow you, BUT..." This applies to every single area of my life. So, my hand is to the plow and I'm not looking back...and I'm seeing a lot of joy in the harvest ahead.
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