I'm not gonna lie. The past 6-1/2 weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. Adjusting is hard to do. I've never been good at it - and guess what - I'm still not. :-)
We had been told that preschoolers and toddlers were the hardest age groups to adopt and that adopting two at one time was very difficult. I would agree with that. :-) We've done twins before, so we've added two at a time to our family before, but this is a whole different thing... :-)
The boys are incredibly wonderful little boys. My 10 year old son said it best when he told the social worker at our first post-adoption visit that "they fit perfectly into our family!" And they really do. Their personalities fit right in. They are funny and goofy and giggly and silly.
So, it's not the boys that have made this hard. I believe we were blessed with the sweetest boys in all of Ethiopia to join our family. It's the adjustment. There are multiple, multiple facets of adjustment that we are dealing with - none of them bad, just necessary and often difficult.
I have struggled with my sinful nature more than I can ever remember. I battle daily with my selfishness. I have failed often. I'm not proud of it. But it's true. I have been discouraged and overwhelmed, frustrated and exhausted.
But...
God.
God is present. God is at work. God has called us to this. I wake up every morning and I pray "God's grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in my weakness." And it's true.
Tonight, when I was putting my sweet boys to bed, I became overwhelmed at the incredible privilege God had given me. These boys trust me. They cling to me while I rock them to sleep. They grab tight with their little hands and hang on to my neck or my arms. They allow their bodies to melt into mine and they sigh loudly as they let their defenses down to prepare for sleep. They feel safe with me. Their walls are steadily, but surely coming down.
While I hold them and rock them, I pray that their birthmother knows in her heart of hearts that her boys are being rocked to sleep. That they are loved. That they are safe. That they are laughing. That they are playing. That they are eating tons! That they are healed of the disease that took the life of their father. Oh, the ways of God are so beyond our understanding. What a privilege. What an honor.
I do not think that I could know God in this way without going through the difficulty inherent in adoption. There is no question that God has shown me more in the past weeks than ever before in my life. My life will not be the same.
So, no, this has not been easy. We didn't adopt because it was going to be easy. In fact, I don't recall Christ ever saying that following Him was going to be easy. I remember Him saying things like "die to yourself", "take up your cross", "share in my sufferings". We adopted out of obedience to our Lord. We adopted because, for us, there was no other option. We adopted because our Father adopted us - and I guarantee that was not easy.
A woman I highly admire who adopted 4 older siblings from Ethiopia wrote about this topic at
Our Unveiled Faces . Her words spoke exactly what I have been pondering over the past weeks. I hope you will take a few minutes to read it.
So, tonight, as I was rocking the boys to sleep, I felt strongly that God was telling me to write this down and to say to anyone reading this who might be considering adoption and is worried that it would just be too hard - well, it probably will be. :-) Do not let fear of difficulty stop you. But, seek the Lord and His ways. "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." I want to find my life. My life is only found in obedience to Christ.
I read this tonight and it really spoke to me. I only have one life. It will be over soon. Oh, how I want to spend it on eternal things.
“Two little lines I heard one day,Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgment seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call, I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”
C.T. Studd
And, how could I leave you without a picture of my sweeties...taken at YJ's 2nd birthday!
Please do not stop praying for us. We really do rely on your prayers.
Isaiah 26:3
"The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You.
Trust in the Lord forever,
For in God, the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock."
