Yep. That's what I said! Can you believe it???!!!
We were absolutely shocked when we received a phone call on Monday evening. It was regarding two brothers. The oldest had just turned four recently. The baby is 20 months old. They are absolutely and completely precious.
I want to tell so much more - and I will soon. We have been working through some issues during this week. So much has happened. We believe without a doubt that God meant these boys for us and meant us for them. His hand is all over this. We have been completely blown away by our God. Detail after detail in this situation has shouted out His name.
Please pray. The boys are in need of your prayers. The birth mother and their family are in need of your prayers. Please pray specifically for the boys' health. Pray for our family as we adjust and prepare. We thought had much more time to get ready!
There is so much more to say. So much glory and praise that I want to give to God. More will be coming. But I didn't want to wait any longer to share this news.
Thank you for caring, for praying, for walking this journey with us. It means more than we can say.
"Your unfailing love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,
Your faithfulness reaches to the skies." Psalm 36:5
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Inspiration
God provided some inspiration for me today by reading this.
Our family could use some extra prayer right now. I can't go into details, but God will know what you are talking about.
Our family could use some extra prayer right now. I can't go into details, but God will know what you are talking about.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Attachment Disorder
RAD or Reactive Attachment Disorder is a common issue that adoptive families deal with. Usually, the older the child at the time of adoption, the more possibility that RAD will be an issue. To protect themselves from pain, heartbreak, neglect, abandonment, or abuse, children become adept at shielding their hearts and emotions. They refuse to need anyone. They refuse to love anyone. They don't trust anyone. They give out affection indiscriminantly to whoever can meet their need at the moment. They can become quite good at manipulating the emotions of others. They have learned these methods for their own survival. One cannot blame them - they are children without the tools necessary to cope with the level of pain that life has given them.
I have read a lot about RAD lately. I have read the facts about it as well as people's personal stories in dealing with adopted children who struggle with attachment. It's downright scary. It's hard to think of pouring out my love into a child that will not respond to it. That will reject it. That will use it to manipulate me. That will shower love on others just to cause me pain. That will turn to others for his needs to be met just to spite me. That won't trust me even though I've proven my love time and time again. How will I deal with this? Do I have what it takes?
As I was having my time with the Lord one morning last week, God opened my eyes. It was almost like I heard Him speaking the words to me.
"Tiffini, I love you unconditionally despite your attachment disorder. I have adopted you into my family. I have called you my own. I will never leave you or forsake you. You are mine."
I realized the pain that my "attachment disorder" causes the Lord who loves me beyond my comprehension. How often do I refuse to trust Him even though He has proven Himself to me time and time again? How often do I turn to others or things for my needs to be met rather than Him? How often do I try to make it on my own rather than admit that I need His help? How often do I shun His affection for earthly affection? How often do I cause Him pain when all He wants to do is shower me with His love? And I don't have the excuse of neglect, rejection, or abandonment to justify my behavior.
Yet, He loves me. He loves me always and forever no matter what. If God, my Father, can adopt me and love me like this, should I not also be willing to do the same? Yes, I should. And He does not ask me to do it alone. He will be teaching me how. He should know because He's had a lot of practice on me.
"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
I John 4:10-11
I have read a lot about RAD lately. I have read the facts about it as well as people's personal stories in dealing with adopted children who struggle with attachment. It's downright scary. It's hard to think of pouring out my love into a child that will not respond to it. That will reject it. That will use it to manipulate me. That will shower love on others just to cause me pain. That will turn to others for his needs to be met just to spite me. That won't trust me even though I've proven my love time and time again. How will I deal with this? Do I have what it takes?
As I was having my time with the Lord one morning last week, God opened my eyes. It was almost like I heard Him speaking the words to me.
"Tiffini, I love you unconditionally despite your attachment disorder. I have adopted you into my family. I have called you my own. I will never leave you or forsake you. You are mine."
I realized the pain that my "attachment disorder" causes the Lord who loves me beyond my comprehension. How often do I refuse to trust Him even though He has proven Himself to me time and time again? How often do I turn to others or things for my needs to be met rather than Him? How often do I try to make it on my own rather than admit that I need His help? How often do I shun His affection for earthly affection? How often do I cause Him pain when all He wants to do is shower me with His love? And I don't have the excuse of neglect, rejection, or abandonment to justify my behavior.
Yet, He loves me. He loves me always and forever no matter what. If God, my Father, can adopt me and love me like this, should I not also be willing to do the same? Yes, I should. And He does not ask me to do it alone. He will be teaching me how. He should know because He's had a lot of practice on me.
"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
I John 4:10-11
Thursday, February 18, 2010
A Dad's View of the Olympics
Hey, this is Tom. I don't post too often around here, but I read everyone's comments and appreciate all the encouragement that so many of you give to my wife. It is such a blessing to know that others are praying for us on this journey. Thank you!
I know that I promised to finish my side of the story--and I will--but just not right now. I really just wanted to share a link to another post that I just read.
We generally don't watch too much TV (beyond Andy Griffith and Pixar movies), but every two years (or is it four?) our family likes to pile on the couch and watch the Olympics right before bed. It's great bonding time, and our kids like to stay up late and eat popcorn (with melted coconut oil), even if they can't appreciate all the intricacies of curling.
What I want to share is another dad's reflection on the Olympics. This is from Todd Wilson, aka The FamilyMan. The interesting thing is that he is actually an integral part of my/our adoption story, but I will get to that in another post.
That's all!
I know that I promised to finish my side of the story--and I will--but just not right now. I really just wanted to share a link to another post that I just read.
We generally don't watch too much TV (beyond Andy Griffith and Pixar movies), but every two years (or is it four?) our family likes to pile on the couch and watch the Olympics right before bed. It's great bonding time, and our kids like to stay up late and eat popcorn (with melted coconut oil), even if they can't appreciate all the intricacies of curling.
What I want to share is another dad's reflection on the Olympics. This is from Todd Wilson, aka The FamilyMan. The interesting thing is that he is actually an integral part of my/our adoption story, but I will get to that in another post.
That's all!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Just One Story
Not a whole lot going on here with the adoption currently. At least on the outside, that is. Internally, there is plenty going on. As I was working through some things last week and bringing them before the Lord, He led me to this verse:
"Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
You see fear had gotten a hold on me. I won't name the fears. But, my focus had shifted from the Lord and onto the fear. Doesn't Satan just love that!
I love how these verses direct me to focus completely on the Lord. They do not say "Do not fear because you'll figure everything out. You're strong enough. You can do it." God says "Do not fear because I am with you." That's it. I do not anxiously have to look all around me for help. He is with me. He will strengthen me. He will help me. Have you ever heard more beautiful words? Those words were life to my soul and peace to my spirit. How thankful I am for the Word of God!
Tom and I have prayed continually for the answer as to how we will pay for the rest of our adoption costs. We believe God has led us to a possible option and we are very excited about it. We will be sharing more details later, but I will say that God has led us to a way to benefit the widow and the orphan at the same time - and that thrills us!
For now, we sit on the waiting list - and we wait. This is a good place to be. We got notice on Saturday that the U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security did receive our petition to adopt. So, now, the next step is to wait for our fingerprinting appointment to be mailed to us.
For now, I leave you with a quote that struck a nerve with me. I've always felt this incredible need to use this life God gave me and not waste it. How will I write the story of my life?
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter...My hope is your story will be about changing...about learning to love a child...about learning to love others more than we love ourselves...We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting, the climax, and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you will have changed." Donald Miller
We all get just one story - what will you write with your life?
"Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
You see fear had gotten a hold on me. I won't name the fears. But, my focus had shifted from the Lord and onto the fear. Doesn't Satan just love that!
I love how these verses direct me to focus completely on the Lord. They do not say "Do not fear because you'll figure everything out. You're strong enough. You can do it." God says "Do not fear because I am with you." That's it. I do not anxiously have to look all around me for help. He is with me. He will strengthen me. He will help me. Have you ever heard more beautiful words? Those words were life to my soul and peace to my spirit. How thankful I am for the Word of God!
Tom and I have prayed continually for the answer as to how we will pay for the rest of our adoption costs. We believe God has led us to a possible option and we are very excited about it. We will be sharing more details later, but I will say that God has led us to a way to benefit the widow and the orphan at the same time - and that thrills us!
For now, we sit on the waiting list - and we wait. This is a good place to be. We got notice on Saturday that the U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security did receive our petition to adopt. So, now, the next step is to wait for our fingerprinting appointment to be mailed to us.
For now, I leave you with a quote that struck a nerve with me. I've always felt this incredible need to use this life God gave me and not waste it. How will I write the story of my life?
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter...My hope is your story will be about changing...about learning to love a child...about learning to love others more than we love ourselves...We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting, the climax, and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you will have changed." Donald Miller
We all get just one story - what will you write with your life?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Celebrations!
We are huge Colts fans! My family all gathered for the Super Bowl Extravaganza at my brother's house. My sis-in-law is hostess extraordinaire. Tons of good food. Games. Laughing. At the end a little crying...
We also celebrated being put on the wait list. My kids are each going to take turns making a sign each time our number changes. My youngest made the first sign and was SO excited to do it!
We also celebrated being put on the wait list. My kids are each going to take turns making a sign each time our number changes. My youngest made the first sign and was SO excited to do it!
We are keeping the numbers on hooks in the kitchen. They are right above our prayer map.
There are some exciting things happening around here. Some real answers to prayer. I'll share more of that as time goes on. Be in prayer for us as always. God is at work.
"May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ."
II Thessalonians 3:5
Friday, February 5, 2010
Waitlist?!
I used to really struggle with the fact that I was born in America and have never known serious want in my life. I looked at the world around me and saw the suffering and poverty of so much of the world - and knew that I wasn't in the same boat just because of where I was born and who I was born to. That's not fair, right? Why did God choose me to live here and someone else to live in a poverty-stricken area of Africa? Why was I granted health when so much of the world wallows in disease without any hope of a medical treatment? Why do I live in a nation that enjoys religious freedom when people around the world are imprisoned and even killed for their faith? Why do I have the means to care for my children when mothers around the world have to give up the most precious thing in their lives due to sickness or starvation?
At some point God showed me something. He showed me that if the entire world was imprisoned in poverty, disease, and persecution, then who could do something about it? He showed me that those who have are to help those who do not have. He showed me that the reason I am prosperous (and downright wealthy in comparison to most of the world) is so that I have the means to help others.
God did not allow us to be prosperous, healthy, and comfortable just so we can be prosperous, healthy, and comfortable. It is not His will for many to suffer while those who can help do nothing.
Along with this realization comes great responsibility. I recognize that I am not fully - or even close to fully - living up to this responsibility. I am ashamed at how often I just revel in my own comfort and selfishly hang on to it. In fact, I have been consumed by this struggle within me of what I am doing versus what I should or could be doing. Those few who are lucky enough to know me really well have been the victims of having to listen to me agonize over this issue over the years.
**************************************************************
I interrupt this previously scheduled post with an important announcement:
While typing the above paragraph, the phone rang. I had given up hope that I would hear from the agency today as I knew it was closing time at the office in Oregon in 15 minutes.
We are #19 on the siblings list!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise God!!
In my heart, I had determined that we would not be on the waiting list until the first week in March. I had looked at all that needed done and a realistic timetable and that is the date I arrived at. Thank You, God, for showing me that You don't operate on human timetables. I never dreamed that we would be on the list two months almost to the day (the 4th) from the date that we mailed in our application to AGCI. Only by the grace of God.
**************************************************************
Well, back to the originally scheduled post. Whew. Hard to get my head straight again.
It is my prayer that I use this one story that God has given me, the one story that I have to write - to help those who cannot help themselves. To spend it on that which will last forever. I am so thankful for God's great mercy on me when I so often fail to live up to what I know I should do. I pray that I listen to His voice when He calls. It is only by His grace and His Spirit that I can do anything at all.
HOORAY FOR #19!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, REJOICE!" Philippians 4:4
At some point God showed me something. He showed me that if the entire world was imprisoned in poverty, disease, and persecution, then who could do something about it? He showed me that those who have are to help those who do not have. He showed me that the reason I am prosperous (and downright wealthy in comparison to most of the world) is so that I have the means to help others.
God did not allow us to be prosperous, healthy, and comfortable just so we can be prosperous, healthy, and comfortable. It is not His will for many to suffer while those who can help do nothing.
Along with this realization comes great responsibility. I recognize that I am not fully - or even close to fully - living up to this responsibility. I am ashamed at how often I just revel in my own comfort and selfishly hang on to it. In fact, I have been consumed by this struggle within me of what I am doing versus what I should or could be doing. Those few who are lucky enough to know me really well have been the victims of having to listen to me agonize over this issue over the years.
**************************************************************
I interrupt this previously scheduled post with an important announcement:
While typing the above paragraph, the phone rang. I had given up hope that I would hear from the agency today as I knew it was closing time at the office in Oregon in 15 minutes.
We are #19 on the siblings list!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise God!!
In my heart, I had determined that we would not be on the waiting list until the first week in March. I had looked at all that needed done and a realistic timetable and that is the date I arrived at. Thank You, God, for showing me that You don't operate on human timetables. I never dreamed that we would be on the list two months almost to the day (the 4th) from the date that we mailed in our application to AGCI. Only by the grace of God.
**************************************************************
Well, back to the originally scheduled post. Whew. Hard to get my head straight again.
It is my prayer that I use this one story that God has given me, the one story that I have to write - to help those who cannot help themselves. To spend it on that which will last forever. I am so thankful for God's great mercy on me when I so often fail to live up to what I know I should do. I pray that I listen to His voice when He calls. It is only by His grace and His Spirit that I can do anything at all.
HOORAY FOR #19!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, REJOICE!" Philippians 4:4
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Bye-bye Dossier! What a day!
This morning found us up early and getting Riley ready for her big day - getting braces put on! Riley was not really looking forward to this too much. She was nervous. But, it went great - the braces were put on in about an hour's time. They had told me it would take two hours and so I left to make some copies. I get a call from her after an hour to come and get her. Bad mama! And for the record, no, I don't recommend braces and adoption at the same time... Riley looks beautiful with her turquoise rubber bands smiling out at me. I love that girl and I love her smile!
Early this morning, I got an e-mail from our homestudy agency saying that the homestudy was done and ready to be picked up after 10:00 a.m.!! So, that got me moving real fast - getting everything gathered up to make the copies and have it ready to be UPS'd to the agency so that it would arrive by Friday morning for their weekly dossier review meeting. Thus, the absent mama during the orthodontia affair. Tom had picked up the homestudy and met us afterwards to admire Riley's braces and surrender the documents to me. I then rushed off to make more copies and then to the UPS store.
So. It is done. I checked, re-checked, double-checked and was still checking as the UPS lady pried it out my hands while my eyes frantically searched the address to make sure it was correct for the 10th time. OCD, you ask? Yes. That is why I feel like my head is going to explode right now. That and the past two months all culminating in this package that was just mailed off. I could not understand why the UPS lady wasn't clapping and congratulating me as I handed it to her. Didn't she understand how momentous this occasion was?
It is pretty unusual to get from mailing in an application to having a completed dossier in two months' time. I know that it is the hand of the Lord on us that has allowed this to happen. He has directed each step, set up appointments, changed appointments, prompted us to do things at certain times, opened doors - all to get us here so quickly. I'm fully aware and expect there to be delays at some points along the way, but I'm so thankful that we've come so far, so fast.
I also UPS'd our I-600A application today. That could not be done until we had received our notarized homestudy. This is basically asking the U.S. government to approve us for adoption as well. We will have to be fingerprinted again for the FBI. We are hearing that this process is taking longer than usual due to Haiti immigration issues right now. The usual time is 2.5 months for Indianapolis applications, but I'm trying to prepare for longer than that. We cannot receive a referral (matching us with our children) until we get approval through this process and receive what is called a Favorable Determination Letter. In light of that fact, please pray that our process is expedited and there are no unusual hold-ups or delays.
And, so the waiting begins. At this point, I'm really looking forward to waiting - to preparing my heart more, to spending more time in the Word, to praying more with Tom, to talking more as a family about the future. It will be nice to do these things without the constant pull of the paperwork. Please remind me that I said I was looking forward to waiting - when I get really impatient and grumpy about how long this is taking.
Hopefully, my next post will be our waitlist number! I'm not sure how much that number will really mean considering our parameters are different from many on the sibling list ahead of us. But, still, it will feel so good to have an official number!
"Glory in His holy name;
Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad.
Seek the Lord and His strength;
Seek His face continually."
Psalm 105:3-4
Early this morning, I got an e-mail from our homestudy agency saying that the homestudy was done and ready to be picked up after 10:00 a.m.!! So, that got me moving real fast - getting everything gathered up to make the copies and have it ready to be UPS'd to the agency so that it would arrive by Friday morning for their weekly dossier review meeting. Thus, the absent mama during the orthodontia affair. Tom had picked up the homestudy and met us afterwards to admire Riley's braces and surrender the documents to me. I then rushed off to make more copies and then to the UPS store.
So. It is done. I checked, re-checked, double-checked and was still checking as the UPS lady pried it out my hands while my eyes frantically searched the address to make sure it was correct for the 10th time. OCD, you ask? Yes. That is why I feel like my head is going to explode right now. That and the past two months all culminating in this package that was just mailed off. I could not understand why the UPS lady wasn't clapping and congratulating me as I handed it to her. Didn't she understand how momentous this occasion was?
It is pretty unusual to get from mailing in an application to having a completed dossier in two months' time. I know that it is the hand of the Lord on us that has allowed this to happen. He has directed each step, set up appointments, changed appointments, prompted us to do things at certain times, opened doors - all to get us here so quickly. I'm fully aware and expect there to be delays at some points along the way, but I'm so thankful that we've come so far, so fast.
I also UPS'd our I-600A application today. That could not be done until we had received our notarized homestudy. This is basically asking the U.S. government to approve us for adoption as well. We will have to be fingerprinted again for the FBI. We are hearing that this process is taking longer than usual due to Haiti immigration issues right now. The usual time is 2.5 months for Indianapolis applications, but I'm trying to prepare for longer than that. We cannot receive a referral (matching us with our children) until we get approval through this process and receive what is called a Favorable Determination Letter. In light of that fact, please pray that our process is expedited and there are no unusual hold-ups or delays.
And, so the waiting begins. At this point, I'm really looking forward to waiting - to preparing my heart more, to spending more time in the Word, to praying more with Tom, to talking more as a family about the future. It will be nice to do these things without the constant pull of the paperwork. Please remind me that I said I was looking forward to waiting - when I get really impatient and grumpy about how long this is taking.
Hopefully, my next post will be our waitlist number! I'm not sure how much that number will really mean considering our parameters are different from many on the sibling list ahead of us. But, still, it will feel so good to have an official number!
"Glory in His holy name;
Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad.
Seek the Lord and His strength;
Seek His face continually."
Psalm 105:3-4
Monday, February 1, 2010
Anticipation!
Things are really moving along here! Today, we got several things checked off the list. Our homestudy agency called us with the changes that All God's Children wanted made and we took care of that. So, I'm kind of hoping that our homestudy will be finalized tomorrow and ready for us to pick up. That's rather wishful thinking, but you never know! Our dossier is completely ready to go as soon as we pick up the notarized homestudy! If we can get it tomorrow, we could be on the waitlist this Friday. If not this Friday, then next Friday for sure - barring any unforeseen delay - which is entirely possible! How's that for certainty?
We have also made the decision to change our age parameters from 0-3 years of age to 0-4 years. When I first started praying about adoption over three years ago, I continually was looking at the pictures of waiting children who were 4 years old. In my mind, we were going to adopt a 4 year old. I have not felt peace about capping our age range at 3 years old. When I voiced this to Tom, he was in agreement. The kids are in agreement as well. So, we have officially changed everything that needed to reflect this. As far as I know, there are not too many families ahead of us on the sibling waitlist that have the same parameters as we do. So, I guess it's possible we could move more quickly down the list - but then again, what do I know?? Nothing, that's what. Again, this is completely God's timing. It's so interesting to think that every little delay or every little thing that speeds us up will in the end result in the match that connects us with two little souls that will belong with us forever. Wow. I am so thankful that God is orchestrating this whole dance. What a relief that it's not up to me to make this all work out for our good.
Hopefully, we will be reporting a waitlist number very soon!
We have also made the decision to change our age parameters from 0-3 years of age to 0-4 years. When I first started praying about adoption over three years ago, I continually was looking at the pictures of waiting children who were 4 years old. In my mind, we were going to adopt a 4 year old. I have not felt peace about capping our age range at 3 years old. When I voiced this to Tom, he was in agreement. The kids are in agreement as well. So, we have officially changed everything that needed to reflect this. As far as I know, there are not too many families ahead of us on the sibling waitlist that have the same parameters as we do. So, I guess it's possible we could move more quickly down the list - but then again, what do I know?? Nothing, that's what. Again, this is completely God's timing. It's so interesting to think that every little delay or every little thing that speeds us up will in the end result in the match that connects us with two little souls that will belong with us forever. Wow. I am so thankful that God is orchestrating this whole dance. What a relief that it's not up to me to make this all work out for our good.
Hopefully, we will be reporting a waitlist number very soon!
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